OK, everybody. Cell phones in the bucket of water. Now!
Isn’t that how the line goes in detective spy movies? In horror you watch the agents (or bad guys) throw their phones in a big bucket of water. The bubbles rise as phones sink to the bottom. The goal: no communications from the outside. But – what a waste!
You’ve also heard about people who hammer the life out of a cell phone – for whatever reason. Wow.
I’ve always tried to guard my phone, not drop it when I get out of my car, not let it fall out of my pocket into the toilet, or not leave it in a grocery cart or on a restaurant table!
But today – I saw the “on purpose destruction” of a cell phone. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and just had to document it for you. Apparently, this phone had critical information on it, and the owner didn’t want anyone else to hack into it. After 5 years sitting in a drawer, the phone still turned on. But it had the black screen of death, not accepting any touch screen commands.
After multiple, unsuccessful attempts to get past the black screen, research was done on how to destroy information before throwing a phone in the trash. A plan was conceived. Here it is, step by step.
14 Steps to Destroy a Cell Phone
Step 1 – Try just one more time to get the phone to do anything! If that fails –
Step 2 – Prepare a full tumbler of tap water.
Step 3 – Immerse phone into the tumbler and stare in disbelief at what you just did. There’s something just wrong about doing that.
Step 4 – Wait for about 20 minutes. Notice the interesting design of air bubbles as you wait.
Step 5 – Take the cell phone out of the water. Shake it really good. (I’m not sure why you do that. Maybe so you don’t dribble across the kitchen floor as you head to the garage for the next step.)
Step 6 – See if you can still start the phone. Remember: if it actually still turns on – don’t panic. Take it in stride. Wait a couple minutes as you confirm it’s still a black screen of death.
Step 7 – Put on safety glasses right after you grab your most trusty hammer.
Step 8 – Exit garage door to the concrete driveway. Lay your phone down.
Step 9 – Tuck into a comfortable crouch. Get your balance. Raise your hammer high . . . and lower the BOOM! Slam that hammer into the phone as hard as you can.
Step 10 – Hit it again. And again. And again. Notice the terrible condition of the face of the phone. Try to not feel badly about the phone on the driveway . . . like you felt when you dropped it on the same driveway 5 years earlier. That must have been why it was in the drawer.
Step 11 – Take the shattered device apart to see what the insides look like now. It should look awful! Stuff sticking out, mis-shaped. It should not go back together very well when you try to reassemble it.
Step 12 – Just for good measure, hammer a couple more times on individual pieces.
Step 13 – Triple-dog-dare any villain to get even a byte of information off your very demolished phone.
Step 14 – Retire your cell phone one piece at a time over the next few weeks of trash day. This is a deterrent just in case someone has been watching – waiting to collect your straggly pieces of technology and get private information off in some sophisticated way you don’t know about.
This kind of article is not my normal content or focus. I struggled – “how can I make this more meaningful?” A couple of spiritual lessons came to mind:
- If God brings an issue to your attention, don’t park it in the drawer for 5 years. Address it.
- When you address a sin pattern or unhealthy habit, be resolved. Smash it.
As for destroying a phone, my best advice – take pictures.
And – Trick or Treat!
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